ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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