A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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