Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up