So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
