well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
