You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
