so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
