Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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