Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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