Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
