I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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