Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
