so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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