DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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