I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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