Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
