I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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