I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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