they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
