my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
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