I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
