Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
