She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
