When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
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