My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
