Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
