God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
