about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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