I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
