I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
