the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
