you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
