I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
