I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I didn't notice because vodka
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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