dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
