Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
