the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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