I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
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