There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
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