"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
