be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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