I faked an abortion last night.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
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