If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
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