I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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