I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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