Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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