so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
