My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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