is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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