when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
