Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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