life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Can Purell be used as lube?
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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