I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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