mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
