$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
