My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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