my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
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he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
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That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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