so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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