Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
