i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
