Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Be still, my beating vagina.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
