if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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