I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
