get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
