Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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