how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
