just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Such a big mess for such a small penis
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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