I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I smell stomach acid.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
there is puke in my bra ... again
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