i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
