I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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