I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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