Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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