i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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